20240527_Innermission

Extra-Ordinary: My Life as Number Seven

After having some interesting dreams I woke up early today and decided to make some coffee. I usually don’t interact with my aunt in the AM since I wake up later, but happened to do so today. The first thing she said to me was “Oh boy, my taste buds are so sharp, this breakfast is so tasty,” after having eaten very bland, nothing special type of foods, followed by a fit of sniffing as if she had been hit with a massive allergy attack so early in the morning (without having opened a window or stepped outside no less), immediately followed by a gulp and sigh of relief as if her snot was actually a load of Turkish delight. I forgot to mention that today is memorial day, a holiday. The way I see it, she woke up and “wake and baked” or should I say “wake and bumped,” accordingly.

She had make such an inorganic, forced statement once before, a day or two after I looked up and shared the long term damaging effects of cocaine addiction, one of which was the deterioration of one’s sense of taste\smell. Mind you that everything she cooks is extremely salty. Inedible. To the point where I would experience extreme bloating\swelling and need to use the bathroom 3-4 times during the night. That was also when she randomly exclaimed that she was too tired to make dinner and went out to eat for the first (and only) time since I began my stay here. “Coincidentally,” that was right after I started connecting the dots, exclaiming aloud that it was no wonder she was able to stay out for 12+ hours in a day, sometimes 5 days a week, at her age without a hitch. Then I started connecting why she would make strange and eerie remarks with such an air of grandiosity like “Did you know it takes a few more hours to come back from Korea than to fly there? It’s because of the wind. Now that’s REAL science, unlike trying to explain the existence of God.” Also, remember the story about my father telling me that my real father was my uncle and my real mother was my aunt and laughing and giggling saying that he never said that and that I was making things up?

Ironically, my aunt had been giving me flack for drinking or smoking marijuana (or doing “drugs” in her words) while she was the one snorting coke up her nose and looking down her nose at me because of my vices, talking about how close she is with God and how Catholicism had done so much for her. When I say flack, I mean she would bang on my door, barge in and start kicking me just for having a 6 pack of brew. There was also a time when she wrote “No Drugs!” on a whiteboard on the refrigerator (passive aggressiveness is her forte). Another time she was yelling at me so I went outside to avoid conflict as I normally do in those situations and she started yelling in English, intentionally so the neighbors could hear, about how all the neighbors could see\smell me smoking, implying that my habits would make her and her household “look bad.”

Going back to the cocaine, mind you this this was all verified through various “channels” like the recent SNL weekly news skit alluding to the dangers\insanity of mixing Christianity and cocaine amongst other things (not to mention the skit about the faculty member trying to seduce and cheat everyone in the staff). Also the song about being on a cocaine and caffeine high while coming down from the mountain but that’s a story for another day and another person (all of these were from 2024 as I started piecing things together). Let’s just say that multiple members of this family are addicted to or have recently been addicted to hard drugs, amongst other things like sexually abusing minors (while holding a position of authority like a priest or Jerry Sandusky no less) or drug fueled orgies while their children are at home and trying to sleep in the adjoining room. Anyway, I just thought this was the perfect example to show why nobody respects a loud mouthed, self righteous Christian and how disrespectful saying things like “I’m proud to be a Catholic” is to the real believers.

Life can be funny at times. A few years ago, my family was telling me that I was imagining things because of my former cocaine addiction (even though I had been clean for over a year, only binging on the weekends and addicted for only 2-3 years) and saying that I was some kind of selfish individual who got angry just because others didn’t believe in the things that I believed in. They would go so far as to say that I was making up stories to create some sort of fantasy world to make myself feel better. A few years later it turns out that they are the ones who are addicted to drugs, who lie and make up stories, and get angry when people like me refuse to believe in the things that they believe, like the safety and efficacy of the vaccines or Christian myth.

If that wasn’t enough, it also turns out that some of them were even fooled into thinking they were part of some elite caste that was better than everyone else (think Orden Tempe Orientalis, Freemasonry, et al.). As you can imagine, that would explain how they could act so righteous while being addicted to drugs and taking advantage of minors entrusted under them, as if certain rules applied to everyone else but them. After finally being able to put all of this together it all finally made sense! Long term cocaine addiction can lead to schizophrenic tendencies, which would explain the inexplicable behavior – interactions and reactions that defied all logic and reasoning when trying to have meaningful conversations. And being tricked into thinking one is part of some secret, special, society could only lead to extreme pretentiousness, narcissism and complete inability to have a civil argument about… well, anything.

“I’m right and you’re wrong because I’m _______ than you. End of discussion. I will just speak louder, laugh, and cut you off until you submit.”

_______ = Older, smarter, more accomplished, more special… better.

Here’s the icing on the cake. After all that has transpired in the past year or so, not a single person in this family has admitted that they were wrong, displayed any remorse, nor asked me to help explain anything. Not a single who, what, where or why. In fact, they were under the impression that I was still the one who was mistaken. They were just so eager to prove that they understood exactly what was happening (FOMO). For example, my uncle (who went through my things and stole $200 when I first moved in here) and father would time their bites and put down their forks in rhythm with the music as if that was something cool to be proud of. Imagine how freakishly weird that would look to other people at the restaurant when the movements of the two older men were all rushed and awkward in a desperate attempt to match the music as if we were trying to intentionally choreograph some kind of new eat-dancing routine! Another example is how they thought me not using my ATM card to purchase something on Amazon or CostCo would somehow hide me from something as if they could even begin to understand who or what it was that I was up against. They also kept pressuring me to cut my hair when I first arrived, under the same pretense I suspect.

I tried to share a TV episode with my half sister once, which she said she didn’t watch because it was “too crass,” when it was actually all about her bad lifestyle habits. She then went on to tell me to stop contacting her because she didn’t have the time, education nor strength to deal with my mental illness. She also chewed me out for “only calling when I needed help with something or wanted to talk to someone.” I was under the impression that that was what family was for! I also tried to show my aunt the deepfake movies with characters resembling our family and she dismissed it with a laugh saying “you must not be able to distinguish Asian faces and they must all look the same to you since you don’t watch Korean movies often.” Another time, I asked her if it was usually this cold in their house and she said that it was probably because I was taking too much of “my medicine,” when she didn’t know a single thing about CD, let alone dosage. For some strange reason, her MO was to prove wrong and sabotage everything that had been taught to me, just like the entire family’s MO from the very beginning. To my dismay, I came back to realize that not only had nothing changed, but things had gotten worse!

On top of all of that, as if that wasn’t bad enough, some of them even thought that everything that was happening was actually for their own sake and that I was misinterpreting things. They thought that they were just so special that the universe suddenly decided to gift them out of the blue when all they did was talk down about every other race and community besides theirs and when they hadn’t lifted a finger to help better the world (on a macro level at least). I even felt that some were being extra delicate with me as if they were getting ready to tell me what was really going and to let me down gently, while others were being extra egotistical and annoyed that I didn’t realize that everything was about them and had nothing to do with myself. This can be somewhat understandable because we may have similar mannerisms since we are family, but not having an ounce of humility, skepticism, hesitancy or doubt (ie. “jeeze I didn’t even do anything to deserve this”) makes me suspect schizophrenia, narcissism and\or handlers, not necessarily in that order and not mutually exclusive. Perhaps this could all fall under the umbrella of the ego, but I digress.

The hosting for this website will expire in a few weeks and I will not be able to renew it for some time so this will be my final post. Of course I hope to eventually share more things in the future, but this will be the final curtain call for the time being. Hopefully this will explain some of my rash and rather hysteric behavior at times and also what may have been perceived (rightfully so) as ungratefulness, lack of responsibility, lazyness, immaturity, etc.

Thank you and good night! We hope you enjoyed the show! Please leave a review on Yelp for an order of free egg rolls and 10% off your next order.

PS. Sorry for the spoiler but today’s (5/27/2024) Wordle is SKIER.

PSS. It’s really the processed carbs and refined sugar (simple carbs and white flours) that give carbohydrates a bad name. Healthy carbs (glucose) are still necessary for the body\brain to function properly! (Thank you Mr. Gosling).